Scrambling to write a post before midnight today. I should’ve planned ahead. I should’ve spent time writing instead of taking a 3-hour nap this afternoon. I should’ve at least scripted what today’s post was going to be like, now I’m rushing because I told a friend I’d meet up tonight for a drink. There’s a sudden rush of anxiety that has taken over me as I write this. I want to get this done, yet am also debating from holding it off until I get back. Yet, I know that when I’m settled again, I’ll be too tired to write, or would rather read, or come up with any other excuse than to write up a post.
So here I am. Writing away. This in itself will end up being tonight’s post and already I can feel a sense of relief as I rush to type out each word.
Sitting in an apartment in the city – less than two weeks since I left – and I still get tense and have mixed feelings about being here. I’m definitely not fully recharged, nor did I expect to be. This city has an unbelievable pull and source of energy that is hard to describe if you’ve never been here. Jenny Blake actually describes it best in this post. It was 1:30pm and every restaurant with outdoor seating was filled to cap with people. As I went to pick up lunch, I automatically felt like I had to hurry up to pick it up, even though the hostess said it would be ready by 1:45. I stepped outside and automatically caught the "New York" walk. There were people speed walking on the sidewalk, a couple having a heated discussion on the corner, construction workers taking a break on a stoop smoking cigarettes, joggers dodging the slower walkers on the sidewalk – just people everywhere. I took a second and literally told myself what. is. the rush. and slowed down. It’s not surprising to be able to walk out of your office building or apartment and not see at least 20 people outside the door. For me, as an introvert, this is almost dreadful.
Luckily, or thankfully rather, I’m only here for 48 hours.